tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post8931872288832486844..comments2023-04-28T07:37:50.191-06:00Comments on Of Darkness and Light: A Brief History (My Exit Story)Elihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00425150796286924268noreply@blogger.comBlogger5125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post-19316067364582558362009-03-29T23:34:00.000-06:002009-03-29T23:34:00.000-06:00It wasn't until I left the church in March 06 that...It wasn't until I left the church in March 06 that I realized that I had been living an inauthentic life for 39 years. How does one know that detail about oneself? After all we get out of bed and put our shoes or slippers on one by one like everyone else; is that authentic living? Did I ever question my authenticity? NO? I didn't because I didn't need to. I was everything the church said I was and it was authentic; true even. What on earth does that mean; the church is true? I would like a dollar for every time I have heard that statement or even said it myself. Did I know the church was true? Well...I had been told by others who professed to know that the Book of Mormon was the evidence that Joseph Smith was a prophet. If Joseph was a prophet the church was true. Simple math! Trouble is, I'm not very good at math and I did not bother to see if the equation was worked out correctly. <BR/>There is a book named The Book of Mormon - true<BR/>There was a man called Joseph Smith - True<BR/>Do those two things added together make the Church true also? No, but I just believed that it did. Anyone can see that there could be numerous reasons why that answer could be false; IF they were looking for an answer like that. As you said Blogger, you began to look to find out IF it was true. Even then, IF it was true does that mean that it should not be questioned or scrutinized?<BR/><BR/>I was in a comfortable place; complacent about the true church and my membership in it. I loved being around Mormons; they are great people; determined, helpful, honest and kind and I could not wish for better company. Yet deep inside me were nagging doubts; guilty doubts; things I should not be thinking about.<BR/><BR/>The authentic me was trying to speak to my intellect and my intellect kept saying buzz off, I'm comfortable and don't want to listen to you. Authentic selves can be quite persistent as you have discovered and this one would not leave me alone; it just kept nagging. When I wouldn't listen it just jumped out and grabbed the coattails of my son as he left the church. My intellect was challenged by his reasoning; it made so much sense but this was not the answer. "Endure to the end Jean - endure." After a tremendous struggle, the self that I had subdued and gagged so many times fragmented into tiny pieces and I didn't know who I was. Just a tired, past middle aged woman with no hope and no beliefs. I didn't know what to wear or what to do. The next year and a half were wretched in so many ways but I was beginning to like the authentic me that was emerging.<BR/>Last year, 2008 I went to the Exmormon Foundation Conference in Salt Lake City and found my authentic self. I was surprised! I was a feminist, an activist, a social butterfly and I found a group of people that just loved me the way I am. Ex Mormons are like other Mormons only without the religion and the dogmatic rules, making them the best friends in the world.<BR/>I love who and what I am; and it is sad that the real me is not acceptable to some members of my family whose inauthentic selves will not allow them to love me and interact with me as though I have a horrible contagious disease. For them the church is true, the Book of Mormon is True and Joseph Smith is all that they have been taught; that I have taught them.<BR/><BR/>I believe with all my heart that they would be happier people if they were able to let go and allow their authentic selves to dictate their direction in life, but sadly I sit on the sidelines of their lives wanting to join in the game but I have lost my place on the team.Jeanhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/11564546517972104958noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post-26280421097711080502009-03-29T22:31:00.000-06:002009-03-29T22:31:00.000-06:00And I have been dying inside, knowing that I am li...And I have been dying inside, knowing that I am living inauthentically.<BR/><BR/>This is exactly how I felt until I left the church. Kudos for you for choosing to live an authentic life - I hope that for you, living true to yourself has been as much of a relief as it has been to me.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post-38082541982614339262009-03-28T17:21:00.000-06:002009-03-28T17:21:00.000-06:00"My hope is to help my loved ones, on some le..."My hope is to help my loved ones, on some level, be able to understand that I have valid reasons for my decision."<BR/><BR/><BR/>In other circumstances, explaining & discussing one's reasons for leaving an organization are a natural part of living. In other circumstances, those left behind may express regret but typically will offer best wishes and hopes to the member who leaves.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Is Mormonism one of those circumstances?<BR/><BR/><BR/>Not in my experience.<BR/><BR/><BR/>The True Believer will typically be incapable of accepting the right, and the *necessity* of leaving, when one has discovered and accepted what you have. The idea that you might be well-wished upon your journey out by the membership at large is so far beyond the realm of possibility that it cannot even be termed "science-fiction".<BR/><BR/>Ties of blood may mitigate somewhat, but asserting the inalienable right to follow your own conscience is an act utterly proscribed in the mormon way of life, an act completely alien to it.<BR/><BR/><BR/>Best of luck to you; there may be rocks in the road ahead, but ultimately the smooth paving of an authentic life awaits.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post-89654181700292634572009-03-28T16:32:00.000-06:002009-03-28T16:32:00.000-06:00Thanks for posting your experiences. A lot that y...Thanks for posting your experiences. A lot that you have written has resonated with me since I was an active Mormon during my late teens and into my 20's. I was a convert as a teen and went on a mission overseas. I was a fervent believer for at least ten years and then my perspective changed. Thanks again for sharing your story. It helps to know that we are not alone in our experiences.Epicurushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/16978697453168760360noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-323222701375042304.post-25519464490563928842009-03-20T21:53:00.000-06:002009-03-20T21:53:00.000-06:00This comment has been removed by the author.Jones, M.D.https://www.blogger.com/profile/14843542680171879356noreply@blogger.com